The Abandonment Wound never goes away, yet you can heal.
“The only ever pain we can experience is the one of turning away from our Heart, and that is felt instantaneously in the body. Only you can abandon yourself, only you have the free will of hurting your self or abandoning yourself.
I must confess. I hadn’t it easy when I was a child. As many ( too many) children and especially little girls, in this world, I was educated through sever physical violence, and I was the direct scapegoat of my father’s rage for many years. After many of those episode I was also left alone in the house for hours, completely under stress and unable to breath properly. If you coupled that with a deeply wounded, emotionally unavailable mother, that validate my father’s “education”, I experienced abandonment in sever ways that have been embeded in my body and mind on the deepest layers of myself.
That wound has showned up in my adult life as co-dependecy, addiction and perfectionism and all a big triple lugguge of beliefs in unworthiness and lack of trust in my own resources. Sounds familiar to you? I bet it does.
That cumulation of shit has been my motivation to change, to find a path to resolution, toward myself to reown my wholeness my integrity and now I am here to share it with you.
Abandonment wound can be healed and sealed from the past..however..at the same time it will never go away.
What I mean by that is that through the journey I had to embark to get rid of those weight of lie and density of fear in the body, I was left with a very interesting gift, which I call it my integrity allarm system. Even If now have been be able to forgive, move on, cry rivers and shake out limitation, I am still subjet to slip into automatic pattern of approval seeking behaviour, and that’s when the alarm rings, which means I feel myself fall again down into the mysery of my private hell.
Last time happened when I date a guy and he proposed to go to a place that I really dind’t want to, but I automatically invalidate my need and desire and say yes to him. After he left and I was alone with myself I colapsed into depression. I couldn’t understand why… then it came to me: I abandoned myself. And my Heart was letting me know. The sadness was literally telling me not again, stop !!
This is your alarm system, and it is a miraculous technology because even if you still have the free will of making your choices, your heart will not allow you to repress your truth anymore through unconscious behaviour. And you have to deal with it, making a conscious evaluation. You will cry a little maybe, but as soon as you forgive yourself, you raise again, stand tall and do something to repair that cut, for you. For your love, integrity, dignity, honesty. You have to. And next time you may find yourself telling the truth and say yes and no without any personal agenda.
The body is awake, the heart is leading, you may fall, but you will never break again.